Individual or Family Therapy for Your Teen

I love working with teenagers. They are chaos and passion rolled into a beautiful adventure. The highs are high and the lows are low. Sometimes they feel like this crazy word gets to be overwhelming for them and they need someone to talk to who can give them tools to deal with everything.

Some of my clients come in with their parents and I quickly see that what we need is some one-on-one time without the parents. The decision is usually made because the teenager is struggling with something painful, is feeling depressed, angry, anxious or grieving (or something similar), or they want to talk about something freely without their parents listening in. Some of them have never had the freedom to have a private space to really share about their struggles. Some parents struggle with the confidential piece of therapy, but the truth is, it can be absolutely crucial for a client to have the freedom to speak freely without worrying about the judgment or repercussions of their parents’ reactions. There also might be some things a teenager needs to talk about that maybe their parents should never know.

Teens sometimes come in with the intention of doing individual therapy right from the beginning. When a client says “I want to talk to someone,” then it is usually a good match for individual therapy. Even then, parents sometimes get called into sessions for a one-time thing just to connect with their child or to get an update from the therapist. Parents may also be given parenting tips from the therapist to help deal with something that might be hard for a parent. I have met parents who have never experienced depression or anxiety and struggle to help their child. A therapist can become a great ally in getting tools to help their teen.

When the parents have a “Fix my kid” way of thinking, then I usually end up thinking the family would be better off doing therapy together. As a teen goes through the changes of becoming an adult and struggling with individuation (that is just psycho-babble for moving from childhood to adulthood and standing on their own two feet as a responsible individual) sometimes parents see some rebellion and are not sure how much to “put up with.” If the parents are going through something (separation, illness, job change…) a teen can become troubled by that, and sometimes a family discussion can be just what is needed to help everyone through a difficult transition.

There are exceptions to the “Fix my kid” group. Sometimes a teen has never been to therapy and is hesitant to talk to a stranger. But usually this is less of a “fix my kid” and more of a “We are all hurting because our teen is hurting and we want to help them”. Teens in this group may or may not want to seek help, but they are in need to process a personal issue. Parent might encourage their teen to “give therapy a try for a few sessions” and a good therapist should be able to help the teen feel safe and understand the therapy process.

Let me simplify the decision process. If you feel like you and your teen are on the same page and you have agreement on trying therapy, then probably doing individual therapy is a good choice (unless the teen is asking for the whole family to participate). If you and your teen are at odds, then figuring out communication as a family might need to be the first step. Sometimes it is a matter of helping a teen understand the ups and downs of being a teenager and giving parents new skills for dealing with their almost-adult child.

Don't worry if you make the right or wrong choice; you can adjust later after a few sessions. The therapist should give you a lot of guidance on this at your first visit.